I received a wonderful email the other day that directed me to read its contents slowly and think about what it meant in relation to my Life. As soon as I read it, I felt happy because it suggested that I not get bogged down in the routine of daily chores, work, and the personal reasons for not having more fun and being more spontaneous with invitations from others. It was a lift to read.
The anonymous author suggested that we too often put off doing something that brings joy because we “are too rigid to depart from our routines” and that we “cram so much into our schedules” that there is little room for other activities or being with the people we love.
The author said, “We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!”
This week I’m going to lighten up on the “should do’s” and “must do’s” and even the pleasurable that have become routine. I am going to add other pleasurables into my experience.
I know of several individuals who are faced with career transitions premature of retirement by 3 – 5 years. They are being dealt a hard blow for which there was no planning, no visible means of financial sustainability, or idea of what to do next. Their personal reactions vary, as well as their personal circumstances and responsibilities.
There is no magic wand that will make everything better, nor will a frantic search for immediate employment likely result in new employment right away. Hence, what might be called for is time to reckon with the new situation internally to allow oneself to adjust, find clarity, and to renew one’s spirit in strength.
In my first blog for this year I spoke about transition and how terrifying it can be: like swinging from a trapeze, letting go in mid air to grab the next bar. The challenges this period will present to someone will force one to take steps to address many issues, step by step. Many of these challenges are likely to be uncomfortable and overwhelming, but it is a process – the process of Life. Each challenge, crisis, issue, or problem that requires you to handle or solve it, is also setting you up to be in position for that which is coming next. The process requires tenacious faith that things will unfold as they should.
The period of transition will last as long as it lasts. Here are just a few suggestions to assist you in this period: Focus on what you do have and the many ways that you are blessed. Create activities that you can do for free. Cultivate consistency in patterns that will move you toward your goals – such as allotting the same amount of time daily, at the same time of day, to work on your project. The last suggestion is to be a blessing to someone else each day.
The grandson of my neighbor was a cute trusting little boy. He and his sister lived with his grandmother who kept a meticulous front yard of flowers accentuated by two evergreen bushes. He was about eight years old when I suggested that someday he would be as tall as the shrubs which dwarfed him at the time. Yet, every new birthday, I would ask him how old he was and have him stand by the bush to compare his height. He, inevitably, was not there yet. It would appear that he had some expectation walking over to the bush that they would be on par. Thus, he would ask, “Miss Ethel, am I as tall as the bush yet?” He wasn’t, and I would state that some day he was going to be a big boy and would be as tall as the bush.
I do not know how he felt in between the days of the year after a birthday and before the next one. More than likely he went about his business and got absorbed in other things of childhood, perhaps checking himself near the bush from time to time on his own.
One day I was standing outside the fence to his yard. His grandfather was in the yard, as well as he. I had no thought about his progress when he caught me off guard and said, “Miss Ethel, look!” He was standing next to the bush inside the yard and opposite me. I looked for a moment not realizing what he wanted me to see when all of a sudden I got it! Not only was he the height of the bush, but he was actually slightly taller. While placing my arm out like a ruler over his head, he beamed with a smile from ear to ear. I exclaimed with great celebration that he was now a young man.
As adults, sometimes we have to wait – even a long time to see hoped for results. In that period of time we are to experience the process of Life unfolding and things evolving and changing whether they are apparent or not.
“Waiting is the missing link in the transformation process.” (Sue Monk Kidd)
It has always amazed me: the number of people who work throughout the year in a single job and do not avail themselves of earned vacation time. Through my years of corporate and other jobs, I had colleagues who would take a few Fridays off during the summer, or add a day or two on to a July 4th or Labor Day holiday, and that was it – leaving sometimes three weeks of vacation days unused and lost when not taken.
Summer is not the only time to take a vacation. Many people prefer fall vacations, and others prefer winter. However, I advocate taking a length of days away from one’s place of employment for the purpose of renewal and to become refreshed so that one can have a new perspective upon returning.
Granted, we are in a time when people are working multiple jobs, are covering for positions that have been eliminated, or have limited funds to enable them the luxury of doing much in the way of recreation. Here are some activities that are simple, inexpensive, and possibly free:
·Take a long walk in a park or countryside. Pause to examine the flowers, leaves, trees, and insects, up close. Take such a walk alone, in silence – without ear buds for music, and without the cell phone on.
·Create a picnic breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Have it in a park, yard, or meadow. Use lovely linens, dishes, glasses, flowers and make it fit for a king or queen. Do this for a party of 1 or for a friend(s).
·Open the windows of your house or apartment and listen to the birds chirp, to the sounds of the insects, and feel the breeze. Play soothing soft music.
·Begin a journal and make entries about your activities and feelings. Paste small photos, magazine photos, and memorabilia in it.
·Spend a morning or afternoon looking through a magazine, old photos, or picture book.
·Spend time in a library or bookstore browsing through books and magazines.
·Take a day excursion bus ride to a place of interest. Bus companies offer packages that include bus fare, entrance fee, meal, and guided tour. This way, you are carefree and do not have to drive.
·Spend an hour or more in an art store or hobby store. Browse and handle the merchandise.
·Treat yourself to a free afternoon or evening outdoor concert sponsored by your local band or municipal park and recreation department. Bring a lawn chair.
·Do something you have never done. Go somewhere you have never gone. Cook something you have never cooked. Eat something you have never eaten.
·Go to a toy store. Spend 1 hour browsing and playing with the toys. Buy yourself one item such as a ball, jacks, bubbles, or whatever strikes your fancy. Come home and play with it.
·Spend 1 hour in a fabric store or store where there are samples of textiles for interior decorating or upholstery. Spend time looking at patterns, feeling the textures between your fingers, and enjoying the colors.
When you return to work, see what you can retain in how you conduct your day.
The winter was just breaking enough for the children to run about and play outside on the weekends. There were new children joining in with the ones I had come to recognize from last summer. I asked the name of one of the new children and over the weeks we would exchange words as I worked in my yard, or sat outside on those particularly warm March and April days.
Whenever Raul would see me, he found time to fill me in on the latest news about his day. He was in the first grade and he shared that he was living with a foster care mother who had other foster children. Raul, however, was going to return to his original state once the school year ended. It was quite a distance away.
I was always amused when he would greet me because he started each sentence with “Guess what?” Sometimes, I would tease him letting him know he was on his third, “guess what”. Near spring recess he eagerly shouted, “Guess what?” to get my attention. I replied, “What?” He beamed that he had gotten A’s on his report card and the teacher thought he was doing well.
Praising his accomplishment, I told him that if he kept it up and got all A’s on his report card in June, I would buy him an ice cream cone to celebrate. He took me on. From time to time I would ask him how he was coming along in school and he appeared to be confident that he was continuing to do well.
School was out on Thursday and I looked for Raul to hear about his report card – hoping to see him that late afternoon before I left for a speaking engagement. I did not see him. Friday afternoon was busy and as I pulled in the back of the house, Raul was walking in my direction. I motioned for him to come to the car and I asked about the report card. He said, “ All A’s!” with a smile. He added that he had some 4’s and 3’s. I was not sure about what that meant and he assured me that they were good grades for his reading skills.
I praised his accomplishment and asked him what he wanted to be in Life. He said, “a Vet.”
I reassured him how wonderful that was and how possible for him. Upon asking him for his last name, he told me, and I gave him his full name with the “Dr.” added before it, telling him that would be his name once he achieved his goal.
“Guess this means that I owe you an ice cream”, I said, to which he replied, “You sure do!”
Inquiring about his schedule, he was unavailable on Saturday and he indicated that he was leaving for his new home on Sunday and would not be coming back. I looked at my watch and knew that I had to stop and keep my promise because he kept his. He told me the kind of ice cream and sprinkles he wanted, so off I went to get it, returning within 5 minutes.
This would be a farewell to Raul. I told him to promise me that he would always do his very, very best in school and that even if it might be difficult over the years living in different situations, that he would never let anyone take away his education from him, and to remember that he can be Dr. Raul _________. He promised.
Standing by my driver’s door with his ice cream, he looked at me with serious 7- year old eyes and said, “I will never ever forget you.”
It pierced me like an arrow in my gut and my eyes welled up with water.
I am inspired by older individuals who have begun new careers and vocations late in Life and who have a zeal for living, learning and creating well into their 80s and 90s. With patience and enthusiasm, they hone a new craft and exhibit mastery on hobbies that require skill like art and music.
I have become enthused by a digital journaling class that has me taking my camera with me daily for practice. In addition to weekly classes, the small group goes out to various locations for photo shoots together. As we are beginning to study the styles of renowned photographers to establish our personal preferences, after a shoot this weekend, the group spent time together in the library perusing the oversized photography books by such legends.
Several of these photographers have carried their passion for creating across fields and across media over a lifetime of hardships, accomplishments, and opportunities while diligently learning how to apply and expand their craft – producing and creating out of their passion well into their late 80s and 90s.
In sharpening the vision in my mind’s eye to the outward print, I have had several personal “aha” moments regarding my Life by engaging in this process of photographing, making prints, studying the qualities of the print, and journaling with words and pictures - my daily experiences. I invite you to contemplate two questions I have posed to myself in the process:
1.My creativity comes from where and goes where?
2.What is the next stretch – what will personally stretch me to the next level?
Years ago I took off to spend a considerable length of time in France, exploring the country at my leisure while driving and lingering where I pleased, for as long as I pleased.
I envisioned this trip to be a real adventure of going with the flow and being in the moment. I purposely did not plan hotel reservations and expected to call ahead as I went along. I also took a quick course in driving stick shift for the leased vehicle on order for my arrival.
Little did I know how much of an adventure awaited me: I arrived at the start of a national holiday when most countrymen vacation. It took some doing to find lodging for the first 4 days. My vehicle came with an instruction manual in French and German, and my rusty French was not ready for translating mechanical terminology. My car stalled often because I had not mastered the clutch. I barely knew where I was going because of the language barrier. Smoke and the smell of something electrical emanated from my dashboard on the first afternoon. On the third day, someone pointed out that my gas tank was releasing droplets of gasoline – which scared me sufficiently well after he indicated that the car could explode from a spark. Given this was a long holiday weekend, I could not service my vehicle until I could get to a city on the southern coast several days later.
Need I say that I was a distraught bundle of nerves and full of fear with all of these issues weighing on me? In addition, the exorbitant speed of vehicles on the autoroute was enough to frighten the stripes off a tiger.
I was wrought with worry that a spark might ignite the car. So many days of worry left me with no appetite. I could not take another minute of the stress. While driving, I remember calling out to God and saying aloud, “Maybe this car is going to blow up. Maybe I am going to crash because all of these speeding cars. I cannot stand another minute of this fright. But if this is your plan, so be it! It will happen while I am driving to the Riviera, because that is where I am headed!”
Then something happened. I heard a voice say, “There is that in me that is greater than that in the world.” Also, “God has given me dominion over all things.”
I was shocked to hear it and inspired by these biblical references (1 John 4:4 and Gen. 1:26). I became new. With this revelation I reminded myself that there was that in me that created the asphalt, the rubber tires, and the metal car! All along I was giving dominion to these things that were created by man and I was letting them run me!
I was new. My spirit was new. No more fear, no more worry. I just let go and knew that God was in charge. From that moment, things got better. I got to each destination with ease. I stopped worrying about the highway signs. I had the best lodging throughout my stay in splendid locations. The trip was so much better after I surrendered to God to take care of things for me. What a lesson.
Ethel Drayton-Craig, Ph.D. inspires you to live a beautiful and fulfilling life that transcends circumstance and change.
In the midst of a hurried, consumption-filled, stressful society, Ethel Drayton-Craig has mastered living the good life. She brings possibility to the seemingly impossible; and balance and serenity to the overstressed and overbooked lives that most women live.
She guides you in reclaiming, renewing, redefining, and restoring the life of your heart’s desire.
Single parent? Divorced? Moving? No problem. There is a way to be fulfilled and experience well-being: Through her Signature System, Living An Exquisite Life ™.
Dr. Drayton-Craig publishes a newsletter and is a contributing writer for BlackLifeCoaches.Net. She is a co-author of Stepping Stones To Success, with best-selling authors Deepak Chopra, Jack Canfield, Dr. Denis Waitley, and other experts giving strategies for success. In this book she presents a biblical perspective with practical application to contemporary situations.
